John Dies at the End
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
NOW A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE
You should not have touched this book with your bare hands.
NO, don't put it down. It's too late.
They're watching you.
My name is David Wong. My best friend is John. Those names are fake. You might want to change yours.
You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. But it's too late. You touched the book. You're in the game. You're under the eye.
The only defense is knowledge. You need to read John Dies at the End, to the end. Even the part with the bratwurst. Why? You just have to trust me.
The important thing is this:
The drug is called Soy Sauce and it gives users a window into another dimension.
John and I never had the chance to say no.
You still do.
Unfortunately for us, if you make the right choice, we'll have a much harder time explaining how to fight off the otherworldly invasion currently threatening to enslave humanity.
I'm sorry to have involved you in this, I really am. But as you read about these terrible events and the very dark epoch the world is about to enter as a result, it is crucial you keep one thing in mind:
None of this is was my fault.
Not eyes. One eye. A single, reptilian, blue eye. I couldn’t see it, there was no seeing here. There was just the awareness of it. I was in the presence of something, an intelligence. I recognized it and it recognized me back. But not in the way a man sees and knows another man; it was the way a man sees a cell under a microscope. To this thing, I was the cell, insignificant under its vast, unfathomable perception. I tried to sense the nature of it. Was it good? Evil? Indifferent? With my mind I reached out and— RUN.
Some girl came up behind John and put her arms around him. I didn’t recognize her, but that was normal. “Yeah, me, too,” he admitted. “But I gotta buy Robert a beer first. ” “Who? ” “Uh, the black guy. ” John gestured toward a group of five people, three girls and two dudes with their backs to me. One was a huge guy with red hair, next to him was the rainbow beret and dreadlocks of my voodoo priest. “See him? He’s the one in the white tennis shoes. ” Not only did I see him, but he turned toward me. He made eye contact and shouted, “You owe me a beer, mon!
We ain’t been inside the house yet. There’s this, dog. ” To me he said, “John here said he thought it sounded like yours. ” I couldn’t see around the bay window curtains, so I walked up to the front door and peered into the decorative little window, into the living room. A girl sat on an overstuffed leather couch, maybe a few years younger than me, silken auburn hair pulled into a ponytail. Little wisps of bangs drifted down over her smooth forehead, just above her gorgeous almond eyes. She wore cutoff sweatshorts and had the most perfect pair of tanned thighs I have ever seen.
Yeah, cute as hell. I mean—” “And you think Shelly looks like her? The girl sitting upstairs? ” “Yeah. ” John turned to face me, already getting it. “John, Shelly is short. Short with dark hair. Blue eyes. ” —They haunt minds— John sighed, plucked out his cigarette and flung it to the floor. “Fuck. ” We turned toward the stairs, took a step up, and froze. Shelly was there, sitting halfway up the stairs, one arm curled around Molly’s neck. Innocent, wary eyes. Playing the part. I stepped slowly onto the third stair, said, “Tell me something, Miss, uh, I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten your last name—” “Shelly is fine.
He borrowed it a month ago, I think he had to threaten a dude with it. Brought it right back though. ” Krissy said, “You’re not going to shoot Danny, are you? If he’s possessed or whatever, you know that’s not his fault. ” “You belong to a church, right? ” I asked. “You know anything about performing exorcisms? That sort of thing? ” She shook her head. “You know your Bible? ” John asked. “You could show us the part that’s got the spells and incantations and stuff and read them right from there. ” She just stared at him.